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August 16, 2009
Well, whatever gets it done, I guess.
If you've seen any page on the Web that concerns video games, you've probably seen an advertisement or two for Evony, which is a free online multiplayer strategy game that is, by all accounts, pretty decent.
Their banner ads, on the other hand, have gotten pretty indecent as of late. To show you just how awful they've become, let's take a little trip down memory lane. The series of photos below are Evony banner ads I've seen over the last few months, in chronological order.
Before we begin, let me assure you that each one of these ads is both 100% real and 100% ridiculous.
Now this gets right to the heart of the matter, doesn't it? It makes you think that you'll be playing as an armored warrior fighting for the majestic kingdom of Evony. Apparently, that's not enough for most nerds, so they changed up the messaging a little bit.
Now you think that you'll be playing as an armored warrior fighting for the majestic kingdom of Evony with a few hot-looking sprites thrown in for good measure. Because everybody needs a little eye candy,* right?
*Can anybody tell me how whoever designed these had the unmitigated gall to just photoshop in the blade of a sword. Coming from nowhere. Not connected to a handle. Pointing directly at the queen's chest? Unbelievable.
Now this is where it starts to tip. Granted, they still worked a majestic background in there, but that's a whole lot of flesh showing on the medieval lady who's obviously experiencing some sort of physical pleasure.
Apparently the bra was a little too modest. And speaking of modesty, here's where it goes totally out the window:
Wait, what kind of game was this again? Am I even going to be playing a game? At this point, I'm not really sure. That doesn't matter, though, The important thing is this: Tits. We must have more tits.
Hot lady in her undies is great, but I SAID I WANT MORE TITS!
Welp, say what you want about the tactics, but Evony is getting an awful lot of attention for these little banners. So much, in fact, that the guys over at Pop Cap Games have fashioned some parodies for their popular Plants vs. Zombies game.
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